guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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