So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
