Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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