I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
