I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Buhtt sex?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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