She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i was born a porn star she said
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
