We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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