i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
