I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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