that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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