I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
