Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
