watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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