so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
