im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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