i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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