fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
