I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
