I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
