Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
