tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
