FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
