So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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