All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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