I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Rumble strips road head = magical
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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