my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
