Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the raccoons are back...
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