It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
