I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
