Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
