I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
