Do vagina's smell?
I'm passing your future prison.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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