It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
