It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
