You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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