Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I would fuck him just for his dog
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
