You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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