Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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