I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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