yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Randomize
