I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
