i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
