First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
