peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
