...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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