We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
