What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
