Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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