FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think people are normalizing furries
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
