we're blogging at a bar
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just want nice things and good sex
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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