How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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