Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
